what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
