Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
