What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
