I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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