We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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