the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
