i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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