Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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