You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
