I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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