I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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