Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
