Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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