you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
