Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
