So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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