something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
