And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
