You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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