i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
