Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
