Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
