wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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