Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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