Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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