Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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