So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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