shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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