I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
be right there i have to get my cape
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
