my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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