when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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