he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
