I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
