i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
