my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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