my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
