so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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