I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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