Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
