My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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