Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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