the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
