Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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