I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
