i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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