Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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