So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
