Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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