And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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