dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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