so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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