are you still at the devil's house?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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