Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
