he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
